Exile
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 73 exile Marta RaquelZabaleta
 
 abstract Marta Raquel Zabaleta's autobiographical piece takes us through the trajectory of her exile as an Argentinian refugee, first in Glasgow and then in London. Forced to flee with her husband, a Chilean UN refugee, she describes the differences between the ways her husband and herself were treated by those in solidarity groups and other aid organizations and the particular difficulties faced by women refugees. She explores the isolating effects of having her professional identity and status erased as a refugee and of being relegated to the sole status of 'wife'. Zabaleta also insists on the fundamental rights of refugees and asylum seekers to have both their histories and their desires for the future acknowledged by those in the host country.
 
 keywords refugee; exile; Argentina; Chile; women
 
 feminist
 
 review
 
 73 2003
 
 (19-38) (? 2003 FeministReview.0141-7789/03$15 www.feminist-review.com
 
 19
 
 ... the sun and a paper smile were left in my room ... Pipo Pescador Buenos Aires, 1975
 
 I
 
 like a duck in an alien puddle1 the
 
 absent
 
 (Between
 
 an identity
 
 duckling: 07:00,
 
 Headquarters,
 
 November
 
 15th
 
 in transition 1976,
 
 the
 
 Federal
 
 Police
 
 Co-Ordination
 
 Buenos Aires, and 19:00, 16th November 1976, Holland Park Hotel,
 
 London). I held my breath. And again I looked back, but this time with more apprehension. From the front seat of the car I was trying to foresee the destiny of my daughter, Yaninita's, duckling, lost now in Buenos Aires. We had left him alone, abandoned to his fate, in the city of terror. Would he now feel more of an orphan than before? The animal, however, was walking rapidly, but almost sideways...
 
 He might have
 
 felt a little tremor of anxiety, but was hiding it under a certain aristocratic
 
 air, as
 
 if defying freedom with a sense of offended decorum. At the same time, he looked That his little yellow wings and little newly sprouted
 
 as if his legs had stretched.
 
 black feathers had grown, to propel him directly to the lake. In short, Duckling was expectant. His future scared him, but at the same time, excited him. Everything was reduced to a philosophical
 
 problem: how to feel an equal among equals, how
 
 survival amongst strangers.
 
 to guarantee
 
 lay an unknown future, but also there would be certain options. And what about feeling like a New Duck with post-modern anxieties? Ah! Because of course we must not forget that freedom offers us the chance to acquire a new identity - a wide variety of options that are neither necessarily concentric It is true that ahead
 
 nor always complementary. anticipated
 
 and actual
 
 Schizophrenia?
 
 identities.
 
 More like an incompatibility
 
 between
 
 The chasms that exist between the imaginary
 
 self that inhabits fantasy and the boring surrounding reality. To reason or to feel, to act or to reflect. Ideas frequently fighting against each other (or others), in the ancient struggle of ideolog		
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