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The Existential Crisis of Motherhood

Claire Arnold-Baker Editor

The Existential Crisis of Motherhood

Editor Claire Arnold-Baker The New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling London, UK

ISBN 978-3-030-56498-8 ISBN 978-3-030-56499-5 https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-56499-5

(eBook)

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s) 2020 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, expressed or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations. Cover credit: SuperStock/Alamy Stock Photo This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by the registered company Springer Nature Switzerland AG The registered company address is: Gewerbestrasse 11, 6330 Cham, Switzerland

This book is dedicated to all mothers But especially to my mother, Linda, in loving memory.

Foreword

Before I became a mother, I used to think that books about motherhood were rather tedious and boring. They seemed to be written by and for women who thought that their lives could be fulfilled purely by being a mother. This appeared to me a rather self-limiting outlook, that offended my feminist instincts. I knew only too well that if my mother had chosen to be at home, as a housewife and mother, this was because she lived in another world, another era than I did. My parents had chosen for her to focus on raising the children and I felt deeply ambivalent about this insistence on the importance of motherly presence. It was obvious that my mother’s considerable intelligence and her multiple talents had been wasted on raising my sister and me. She had so much spare capacity and was clearly frustrated, lavishing all her attention solely on her home and her family. This meant that we were all under far too much pressure to obey her demands and be eternally grateful for her care. It was oppressive and I suffocated. My teenage view was that children should be left to look after themselves. I craved freedom and independence and envied