Forgiveness and Reconciliation Psychological Pathways to Conflict Tr
Anger, hatred, resentment, grudges—when the products of conflict smolder for years, decades, or centuries, the idea of peace may seem elusive and unrealistic. At the same time, people and societies need to move beyond these negative traumatic effects so t
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Ani Kalayjian · Raymond F. Paloutzian
Forgiveness and Reconciliation Psychological Pathways to Conflict Transformation and Peace Building
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Ani Kalayjian 139 Cedar Street Cliffside Park NJ 07010-1003 USA e-mail: [email protected]
Raymond F. Paloutzian Professor Emeritus of Psychology Westmont College 955 La Paz Road Santa Barbara, CA 93108–1099 USA e-mail: [email protected]
ISBN 978-1-4419-0180-4 e-ISBN 978-1-4419-0181-1 DOI 10.1007/978-1-4419-0181-1 Springer Dordrecht Heidelberg London New York Library of Congress Control Number: 2009929315 c Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2009 All rights reserved. This work may not be translated or copied in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher (Springer Science+Business Media, LLC, 233 Spring Street, New York, NY 10013, USA), except for brief excerpts in connection with reviews or scholarly analysis. Use in connection with any form of information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed is forbidden. The use in this publication of trade names, trademarks, service marks, and similar terms, even if they are not identified as such, is not to be taken as an expression of opinion as to whether or not they are subject to proprietary rights. Printed on acid-free paper Springer is part of Springer Science+Business Media (www.springer.com)
Foreword
We all long for peace within ourselves, families, communities, countries, and throughout the world. We wonder what we can do about the multitude of conflicts currently wreaking havoc across the globe and the continuous reports of violence in communities as well as within families. Most of the time, we contemplate solutions beyond our reach, and overlook a powerful tool that is at our disposal: forgiveness. As a genocide survivor, I know something about it. As the genocide unfolded in Rwanda in 1994, I was devastated by what I believed to be the inevitable deaths of my loved ones. The news that my parents and my seven siblings had indeed been killed was simply unbearable. Anger and bitterness became my daily companions. Likewise, I continued to wonder how the Hutus and Tutsis in Rwanda could possibly reconcile after one of the most horrendous genocides of the 20th century. It was not until I came to understand the notion of forgiveness that I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Common wisdom suggests that forgiveness comes after a perpetrator makes a genuine apology. This wisdom informs us that in the aftermath of a wrongdoing, the offender must acknowledge the wrong he or she has done, express remorse, express an apology, commit to never repeating said harm, and make reparations to the extent possible. Only then can the victim forgive and agree to never seek revenge. This exchange between the offender and victim can be a powerful force for reconciliation for interpersonal conflicts, inter-commu
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